


I'd Promise You Everything (But I'm Not Sure How Much Good There Is In That)

by theinvisibledisaster



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (yes i am), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, POV Bellamy, Romantic Fluff, Sad Clarke, Valentine's Day, and that fucker is HEAVY, because it's a literal impossiblity for me to create anything without angst, because it's valentine's day and i'm secretly a sap, but i promise there is lots of fluff too!, everyone is couples, i'm not a monster!, it's my personal cross to bear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-20 19:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17628125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinvisibledisaster/pseuds/theinvisibledisaster
Summary: Bellamy has never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but Clarke outright hates it. Her father died at the start of February when she was in high school, she found out her first boyfriend was cheating on her two weeks later, and then almost exactly a year after that, her girlfriend dumped her to travel around Asia.But now they're in their 20s and Bellamy finally admitted that he loved her a few months ago. He knows this is the real thing and he absolutely knows that she feels the same way, but he also knows how miserable Clarke gets around Valentine's, and he's determined to cheer her up this time.





	I'd Promise You Everything (But I'm Not Sure How Much Good There Is In That)

**Author's Note:**

> For my Bellarke Valentine [@biconicmassmurderer!](http://biconicmassmurderer.tumblr.com/) LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU <3
> 
> I took the prompt, _"One of them is a valentines day anti while the other is super into valentines day"_ and really ran away with it, and made it angsty and threw in a bunch of other characters, but what do you expect: it's me - I have no impulse control. I hope you like it cutie!!! <3 <3 <3

__

_I can’t promise you anything_  
_There’s nothing to give that you don’t have_  
_If I could I’d promise you everything_  
_But I’m not sure how much good there is in that_  
_Maybe one day when I’m famous, I’ll buy a private jet_  
_And we can fly to where the rain don’t reach the ground_  
_Or maybe we could just get older and we’ll watch the sun turn colder_  
_And I’ll make you toast when you say you’re feeling down_

**Toast - Maisie Peters**

  
  
  


For as long as Bellamy had known Clarke, February had been a hard month for her.

He and Octavia had moved to Arkadia when he was in his junior year and Octavia was a freshman. They had been living in Polis, across the other side of the state, but when his mother died the government moved them. The house that took him in was nice enough – Marcus Kane was a stern but kind man, and Octavia adjusted fast, but Bellamy was just so frustrated at their circumstances, and terrified of their new surroundings that it took him a while to settle in. He’d been bitter and miserable, but despite his aggressive front, he’d managed to actually make a good group of friends once he arrived. 

Jasper, Monty, Miller and Murphy all took him in with the fervour of people who knew what it felt like to be a little downtrodden. They were all from poorer families in the neighbourhood, and when they hung out together, it felt like they were putting up the finger to every rich jerk in a hundred-mile radius. Luckily, not every rich kid at the school was a dick, so they actually managed to fit in quite well. Especially Jasper and Monty, who were in the year below, but who seemed to have more genuine kindness and charisma than anyone else in the school. Everyone adored them, even the teachers, and it was because of them that Bellamy met Clarke. 

Clarke was in her third year at the time, and they hadn’t really even met until Jasper’s annual New Year’s Eve Blowout.

Up until then, they’d barely had any interaction, except that he knew she was the daughter of the mayor, and that she was friends with a lot of the people he was. Then, at that party, her boyfriend made the mistake of mentioning what side of town Bellamy lived on. He should have known better than to start a fight, but the comment rubbed him the wrong way, and when he asked Finn to back off, the guy only pushed harder. So Bellamy punched him. Right in the middle of the party. 

Clarke had run in, shoving him back and yelling in his face, and the entire party watched as they shouted at each other until the countdown started. What a way to start a new year. No cute girl to kiss, just a really hot one who decided she hated him. He went to apologise to Jasper, but the kid waved him off, telling him it was the most fun he’d ever had at one of his parties. 

After that, things had been tense between them – when they passed each other in the halls, Clarke turned her nose up at him, and when their friends tried to organise group activities, one of them would always manage to start an argument. 

Then, on the 8th of February, Clarke’s father died. 

They all knew Jake; he frequently volunteered at the school, and was always around if anyone needed him. He was beloved in the town, and Clarke loved him more than anything in the world. And then he was just… gone. 

Clarke didn’t turn up to school for the next week, which was probably for the best, all things considered, because on the 9th, Raven Reyes showed up. She had moved from the next town over and she and Bellamy became fast friends. They bonded over being the poor new kids in a rich neighbourhood, and after a couple of days, she had really settled in.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
One afternoon, Bellamy saw her kissing Finn down by the bleachers, and his jaw dropped, completely taken aback. He didn’t think Raven was the kind of person to screw anyone over, so he knew immediately that whatever this was, it was Finn’s fault. He was _furious,_ and a little bit vindicated – he had always known that Finn was a Grade A Asshole, this was just confirmation. He would have confronted him there and then, but he had to take Octavia to karate, so he swore to himself that he’d do it the next day. 

Unfortunately, the next morning, Clarke came back to school for the first time in five days, and the very first thing she saw was Raven in Finn’s lap. Bellamy had actually been on his way to find Finn and ended up walking directly into a frozen Clarke as she stared at them. 

“Sorry Princess,” he said reflexively, not realising what was happening until it was too late. Unfortunately, he alerted Finn to her presence, who noticeably flinched when he saw them both standing there. 

That seemed to be enough to snap Clarke out of whatever stupor she was in, and then she turned and walked from the room without a word. Finn got up to follow her, but Bellamy shoved him back. 

“Don’t you fucking dare, Collins,” he growled. “I always knew you were scum, but this is something else. You’ve really outdone yourself.”

By that point, everyone else had arrived, and Monty glanced confusedly between them. “What’s going on?”

“Finn’s a two-timing scumbag,” Bellamy said, his voice surprisingly level considering how angry he was. “Clarke just found out.”

“Clarke was here?” Murphy asked, looking around for her. When Bellamy nodded, Monty and Jasper ran off to go find her. Raven was still just sitting, completely in shock. 

“Let me go, Bellamy, I just need to talk to her,” Finn protested, and Bellamy yanked at his shirt so hard he tore it, pulling him forward and then throwing him against a wall and pinning him there. 

It was taking every bit of his restraint not to break his nose. “You don’t get to say _shit_ to her, Collins. Her dad just died and you decide to cheat on her?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“How long?” Raven asked quietly. 

Finn didn’t answer, so she turned to Miller. 

_“How long were they dating?”_

Miller shrugged, unsure, but Murphy frowned, “I don’t know, probably six months?”

And that was when Bellamy stepped out of the way as Raven flew towards them and slapped Finn hard enough to send him reeling. 

“Six months?! SIX MONTHS?! You’ve been cheating on me for six months?!” She kneed him in the balls before storming from the room, and Bellamy couldn’t help but grin after her – he knew he’d made the right decision becoming friends with Raven. Judging by the awed expressions on Murphy and Miller’s faces, they felt the same way. The three of them left for class, leaving Finn hunched over against the corridor wall. 

Halfway through math, Monty and Jasper returned, but there was no Clarke in sight. Bellamy mouthed the question at them, but they both just shook their heads sadly. When the school day ended and no-one had seen her, Monty rang her mother. Abby became immediately frantic, and soon a town-wide search for Clarke was underway. 

No-one seemed to have any idea where she’d be, and after he dropped Octavia back at home, he joined in looking for her. They’d never been friends, but he knew better than anyone what it was like to lose a parent and have your world collapse in the same week, and he wanted to help. From what he gathered, people had checked everywhere they knew she visited, but Bellamy could think of exactly one place they hadn’t.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There was a tiny bookstore in town, with no sign above the door, and no way to distinguish it from the other houses on the block except for the small “open” sign in the window. As far as Bellamy knew, it didn’t even have a name, but it was run by a ex-army woman, Diyoza or something. She was a harsh figure, and she mostly kept to herself, but she was also passably nice to Bellamy, so he spent a lot of time in there. He always felt less judged there than in the library where guys like Finn went after school. A few times, he’d seen Jake come in and chat to Diyoza over the counter, even pulling a smile or two from the fierce woman. Occasionally he bumped into Clarke, but even when both of them were in the shop, they tended to simply pretend each other didn’t exist. He was pretty sure they were Diyoza’s favourite customers. He was also pretty sure that no-one but Jake used to take her there.

When he arrived, Diyoza was in her usual seat behind the counter, and she didn’t even look up from the book she was reading, she just gestured towards the back of the shop. 

He trudged through the shelves until he reached the most secluded corner, and there she was. Clarke was sitting against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest, and she was staring blankly at the bookshelf opposite her. 

“Clarke?” He asked softly. “Do you want me to call someone?”

“No.” She said, lips not even moving. 

“Do you want me to leave?” 

Her eyes slowly, distractedly, carved a path up the shelves until they reached his face. She shook her head, a tiny thing, but it was there. He moved slowly, giving her every opportunity to tell him to go, before he ended up sitting next to her, his legs outstretched in front of him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She didn’t respond, so he stayed quiet. It could have been minutes or hours, it was hard to tell in this part of the shop, with no windows and only a few aged lamps for light. He sent a quick text to Monty telling him that he’d found her and to call off the search, and then he turned his phone off. Eventually, he reached for her hand. She gripped it fiercely, like it was the only thing tethering her to the ground. 

“My mom’s been dead since last year,” he said, like a confession. She already knew – everybody did – but he never talked about it. She didn’t react, but she seemed more present somehow, so he kept talking. “She wasn’t… we weren’t close, like you and your dad, but she was all I had. My dad died before I was born, and O’s dad took off when she was little, so it was just the three of us. It was weird, because my mom had never really felt like I thought a mom was supposed to feel. But then she died, and it was like everything fell apart. Like she had been the only thing holding the world together, and suddenly nothing made sense anymore.” 

“The only person I want to talk about it with isn’t here,” she sobbed, and it was like a dam had been broken, tears pouring down her cheeks. “He’s just, he’s gone, he’s never coming back, and he was the only person I had to talk to when I was upset. I always feel like a burden on everyone else, but my dad… He never tried to tell me I wasn’t a burden, because he knew that wouldn’t change the way I felt. My dad made me feel like it was okay to be a burden for once.”

“I know there’s nothing I can say that will help,” Bellamy murmured, “and I know you don’t even like me… but I’ll let you burden me, Clarke. Whenever you need. No-one should be alone, no-one should have to hold up the sky on their own. We can shoulder it together, okay?”

She blinked back tears, staring at him with something unreadable in her face, and then threw her arms around his shoulders, sobbing into his neck. 

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, Clarke practically in his lap, face pressed into his shirt, but he would have stayed for days if it would have made her feel better. He knew that feeling of crushing emptiness, an absence like you’d never be whole again; an abscess that somehow weighed a million tonnes. 

He let her cry until there were no tears left, and then he scooped her up in his arms and carried her out. As they got closer to the front of the shop, he could see that it was now completely dark outside. He realised that the store must have been closed for some time, but Diyoza had never come to kick them out, and he wondered faintly how much trouble he was going to be in when he got home. 

Diyoza watched him carefully. When he got to the door, he turned his head to thank her and she shook her head. “It’s not a problem, kid. You both ever need somewhere to sit and be alone, my store is always open. Any hours.”

The drive to Clarke’s house wasn’t a long one, and it passed in relative silence. Clarke just pressed her head against the glass and tucked her knees under her chin again. He wondered if that helped, if having something against your chest made you feel more whole. 

When they pulled up in her driveway, she made no move to get out, but when he opened the passenger side door and lifted her up, she folded into him. She kept her arms around his shoulders and her face in the crook of his neck, and she tensed when the door opened suddenly and they were bathed in the light from the front hallway. 

Abby Griffin was standing there, agitated and confused, and when her eyes fell on her daughter, the panic fell away to pain. She slumped, stepping aside to let them in. 

Everyone was there, just sitting in the living room. There were a bunch of adults he’d never met, plus some parents he recognised – like Miller’s dad, and Monty’s mom – and their friends. Monty and Jasper were leaning on each other, Murphy and Miller were talking in hushed tones to Clarke’s best friend, Wells and someone she hung out with from her extra-curricular art class that he vaguely recognised as being called Lincoln, because they had math together. Even Kane was there, a sleeping Octavia sprawled on the couch next to him, and instead of looking furious, he just looked tired. 

There seemed to be a silent exchange between Abby and the adults, and soon they were all dispersing in complete silence, nodding politely at him as they left. He nodded back, until the only people left were the ones he knew. 

“I’ll take the boys home,” Monty’s mom said, gesturing to the two of them, “and if Lincoln needs a ride, his house is on my way.”

Miller’s dad nodded, “I’ll take Nate and Murphy.”

Kane frowned up at Bellamy, who could only stare helplessly back. He didn’t know what to do, he only knew that Clarke’s grip was getting tighter with every name mentioned. 

“Uh, Mrs Griffin, where’s Clarke’s room?” He asked lowly.

She pointed upstairs and with some manoeuvring, he carried her up. He tried to lay her down, but she clung to him tighter, arms gripping his neck. 

“Please don’t leave me on my own,” she whispered. 

“Okay, Princess,” he brushed the hair back from her face, “just let me say goodnight to my sister, okay?”

She nodded and finally released him, curling up into a ball on top of the covers. He jogged downstairs to hug their friends before they left. Octavia was awake now, and she ran up to squeeze him around the middle, her worries pouring out through her arms. Monty and Jasper were both red-eyed from crying, and Murphy looked like he wanted to punch something. Miller hugged him for longer than the rest of them, whispering, “we thought something might have happened to her. Thanks for bringing her back,” before he left. 

Soon, it was only Abby, Kane and Octavia in the large room, staring at him expectantly while he hovered. Evidently, Wells was spending the night, and had already gone up to the spare bedroom to sleep. 

“Uh, ma’am, Clarke wants me to stay,” Bellamy said awkwardly. He didn’t really know how to ask a girl’s mother if he was allowed to sleep in her room, but he hoped they knew he’d never try anything. “She doesn’t want to be alone, and I think she’s just… I know what it feels like, and I think she needs someone who understands right now.”

Abby sighed, deep and long, and Kane rubbed at his beard pensively.

“I’ll take Octavia home,” he said, and that seemed to be the end of that. He offered a tentative hug as he left, a decent counterweight to Octavia’s overbearing one, and then they were gone. 

Bellamy wasn’t sure if he should wait for Abby’s permission before he went back upstairs, but the woman just sat down on the arm of the couch, looking beyond exhausted. She seemed to have forgotten he was there. 

When he got back to her room, he was half expecting Clarke to be asleep, but as he closed the door, her head tilted up towards him. He drew the covers aside, crawling into bed and tugging her in next to him. She let out a shaky breath into his collarbone, fingers scrunching in his shirt. 

It was muffled against his chest, but he heard the murmured, “Thank you.” 

“Anytime, Clarke.” He drew his arm more closely around her, “I mean it. Anytime.”  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  
  
  
After that, things changed. 

He expected things to be weird when they woke up together the next morning, especially considering that it was Valentine’s Day. But Clarke just dragged him downstairs for coffee and sat cross-legged on the counter while he stood in front of her. 

“I’m not supposed to sit here,” she said, and her voice was still kind of hollow, but at least there was more colour in her cheeks. “My dad used to let me, whenever Mom wasn’t home. It was one of those little, pointless secrets we kept. Just for him and me.”

Bellamy didn’t know what to say, and she didn’t seem to expect him to respond, so they continued sipping their coffees in silence until Abby and Wells entered the kitchen. Abby tutted and Clarke raised her eyebrows at Bellamy, as if to say, _“see?”_ which made him smile. 

“Off the countertop, Clarke,” Abby scolded, with the air of someone who’d said it a hundred times. Clarke just rolled her eyes and slid down. 

“You doing okay?” Wells asked. 

“Not even a little,” she said, downing the last of her coffee, “but this is my new normal, so I better get used to it.”

Wells stepped forward and hugged her, the way Octavia hugged Bellamy and Jasper hugged Monty – like a sibling, and with all the love in his heart. When they pulled apart, he met Bellamy’s gaze. Bellamy swallowed nervously, not sure how to act when standing in the mayor’s kitchen with a senator’s son. 

“You found her,” he said, and Bellamy nodded. “Thank you. Seriously, thank you, we were so worried, and none of the rest of us figured it out. Where was she?”

Bellamy hesitated, sharing a look with Clarke. “Nowhere important.”

Wells grinned. “Oh, I like him,” he turned to Clarke, “we’re definitely keeping him.”

“It would seem so,” she said dubiously, but she was eyeing Bellamy with that same unreadable expression as in the bookstore, and he was pretty sure that no matter what happened in the future, he and Clarke had an unspoken bond. He didn’t know what exactly it was, or if they were even friends, but they had something, and it wasn’t likely to disappear because of her boyfriend, or their arguing, or the fact that they lived on opposite sides of the tracks. 

They were shouldering the sky together.  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  
  
  
A year later, the day after Valentine’s, Clarke’s girlfriend broke up with her so she could travel the world after graduation. Specifically East Asia, but Bellamy was far too busy being righteously angry on Clarke’s behalf to care about semantics. 

“I mean, seriously, she couldn’t have waited another month to break it off?” He ranted during lunch, “February is hard enough for Clarke without having to deal with this. Lexa isn’t even leaving until _July,_ but she wanted to break up now to ‘avoid hurting her later’. I mean, for god’s sake, Clarke is hurting enough!”

Miller nodded along, and Murphy kicked an empty can by his feet, sending it clattering across the cement. He might have been more pissed than the rest of them, but they were all upset for her. He and Clarke had become friends in the past year, and at this point he was even closer with her than anyone else. He was who she came to for advice when Lexa first asked her out, and she was who he ran to when Octavia was at a party and he couldn’t stop overthinking about it. 

Maybe they would always have ended up as friends, in the end. Maybe they were two broken people, their jagged edges fitting together like a jigsaw. 

Sometimes the universe had a really fucked up sense of humour. 

“It’s a pity you can’t punch Lexa,” Jasper teased, “y’know, like you punched Finn.”

“I punched Finn _before_ he cheated on Clarke,” he grumbled petulantly. 

Monty snorted. “But you would have punched him afterwards if she hadn’t stopped you, and you know it.”

Bellamy did know it. Not punching Finn had been the most exhausting thing he’d ever had to do, because he had to come into school every day and see his face and actively stop himself from swinging a fist. It helped that Raven had already slapped him, and that Clarke was actively glaring daggers at him whenever he came near her, but it didn’t assuage the urge completely. One particular afternoon, when he’d walked into English early to find Finn begging Clarke to take him back, he’d even lifted his arm, ready to hit him. Clarke had just barely managed to get in between them, telling Finn to back off and promising Bellamy that she was okay. 

“Where _is_ Clarke?” Wells asked as he approached with Raven. 

Bellamy scrubbed a hand down his face. “She’s… nowhere important.”

That had become a code-phrase of sorts. Whenever he or Clarke needed time alone, they would let the other know, so that everyone else knew not to look for them. Wells nodded sadly. Even he didn’t know where they went and he didn’t ask. It was a testament to how much he loved Clarke that he didn’t think to pry – not once. 

Raven sighed and rested her head on Wells' shoulder, “I hate this.”

Everyone mumbled their agreement. They all hated it; it was monumentally unfair.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Diyoza was in her usual place when he arrived at the store, and she lazily saluted at him as he passed, not even looking up from her book. He wove through the sections until he got to the back and sat down next to Clarke, who was sniffling into her knees. 

He bumped his shoulder against hers, “February really isn’t your month, Princess.”

She managed a watery laugh as she lifted her head. When he saw the tear tracks on her cheeks, he hummed uneasily, reaching up to wipe them away with his thumbs. She unfurled herself so she could turn into his side, draping her legs over his, and he wrapped an arm around her. 

“I wish I could hate her,” she cried, chest heaving against his.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” he stroked her arm soothingly, but his voice was hard, “this is such bullshit. Lexa doesn’t deserve you, and I don’t care if she said it was for your own good, she doesn’t have any idea what she’s talking about, and I hate her, even if you can’t bring yourself to hate her yet, because she hurt you. She upset my best friend, and I hate her for it.”

“Okay,” she mumbled, burrowing closer to him as she let the tears take over. He kissed her hair and tried as hard as he could not to think about punching Lexa.  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  
  
  
After he graduated, they saw less of each other. She was in her senior year, and he was studying to be a history teacher and working a job at the local garage, which Raven had managed to swing for him because she knew the owner. 

Raven herself had gone off to MIT, and sent him postcards because, in her words, “you’re so bad at technology that this is the only way I can hope to reach you.” He was pretty sure she just liked finding cards that amused her. 

Wells was working in his father’s office a few cities over, but he still managed to get home on the weekends. Lincoln started a job at the café down the street from Bellamy’s place, which was presumably convenient for Octavia to sneak to whenever she told Bellamy she was hanging out with friends. It was almost cute that she didn’t think he knew about the two of them yet. 

Almost. 

Miller and Murphy both got jobs in town, but they all managed to meet up at least once a week, despite their adult responsibilities suddenly encroaching on them. 

Clarke, Jasper and Monty still hung out with them whenever they could, but life had a habit of getting in the way. 

Which was why it didn’t even occur to him when Valentine’s Day arrived. His girlfriend, Gina, who he had met at the café Lincoln worked at, stopped by his work to surprise him and he beamed at her until Sinclair came out and just told him to clock off. He thanked him profusely, but Sinclair just waved them away, smiling and muttering something about _“young love.”_

They stopped briefly at his place so he could shower, and then they went to dinner, sharing chaste kisses while they waited for their order to arrive. 

It wasn’t until his phone started buzzing frantically in his pocket that he snapped out of the blissful bubble he’d been in all afternoon. When he pulled it out, he had missed calls from Monty, Jasper and Abby. 

“Shit,” he breathed. He was dialling her number before he even finished the word. He waited as it rang, silently praying for an answer. When she did, she sounded small. 

“Bellamy?”

“Hey Princess,” he said, mollifying. “Everyone’s worried, where are you?”

“Nowhere important,” she choked out. 

“Okay, you’re okay Princess,” he said. “Do you want me to come down there?”

“No,” she whimpered. “I don’t want to ruin your date.”

“You’re not–”

“–I’m okay Bellamy, really.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I’ll call you tomorrow. Please – I’ll feel worse if you drop everything for me. Go back to your date, just… please have a nice night. For me.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Call me if you need anything, Clarke.”

“I will.”

When he hung up, it felt like a betrayal, even though she’d asked him to. Gina looked concerned next to him, and that was why he loved her. She knew that Clarke was his best friend and that nothing would ever change that – she wasn’t being petty or jealous because he called another girl while on a date with her. Gina was one of those rare people who was truly _good;_ put on Earth to spread light everywhere she went. 

“Is she alright?”

“February is just… hard for her. Especially Valentine’s Day. It gets in her head,” he explained, and Gina nodded sympathetically. “She’ll be okay. She’s in a safe place, and she’ll call if she needs anything, I just need to let everyone else know that she’s not dead.”

He shot off a few texts, pocketing his phone. 

Gina smiled, warm and sweet, and asked teasingly, “Now, where were we?”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next day, he stopped by Clarke’s place on his way to meet Miller for lunch. No-one else was home so he headed up to her room, only to find that her light was off and the curtains were drawn. She was lying motionless under the covers, crying quietly. He tugged them up enough to climb in with her before he covered them both, shrouding them in darkness. She shuffled forward and leaned her forehead against his sternum. 

“How was your date?”

“It was great,” he said, because she would hate him if he lied just to appease her, “Gina’s wonderful.”

“Good,” she sniffled. “You deserve someone wonderful, Bellamy.”

“So do you,” he promised, and he’d never meant anything as much as he meant those three words.  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  
  
  
He and Gina dated for six months, but it was never going to be the kind of relationship that lasted, and they broke up mutually. They were completely amicable, not a single bit of animosity between them, because Gina was wonderful. He still saw her around town, and she even swung by Jasper’s place for Clarke’s going away party. 

His friends had all finally graduated, he was halfway through his degree, and he was happily single. Bellamy felt like this was the part of his life where he should be feeling happy, but it never quite settled. Especially once he hugged Clarke goodbye and watched her car disappear down the street, knowing he wouldn’t see her in person again for months. 

Clarke being across state lines for college was _hell._

They skyped at least once a week, and they texted every day, but he missed being able to see her. He missed the faces she pulled at Jasper’s bad jokes, and the dark sense of humour she shared with Murphy. He missed the way she elbowed him to get his attention and the way she always seemed to be surprised by her own laughter, like she never expected to find anything as funny as she did. He missed having her there to stop him from overreacting to things or overstepping. He just… missed her. 

Even on the occasional weekends he drove up to visit, or when she came home for the Christmas break, he didn’t feel like he could enjoy it. It was always like he was waiting for her to leave again, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

He was twenty-one when it finally clicked. 

He was having drinks with Lincoln, Miller and Murphy at a bar downtown, because Miller was flirting with the cute bartender. It was the day after Valentine’s and he was thinking about the remark Murphy made about the couple across the room and how much Clarke would love it, and it just hit him. 

_“Fuck.”_

His friends all whipped around to look at him. 

“You okay man?” Miller asked.

“I… _yep._ ” He said, feeling numb. He ran a hand through his hair. 

“Oh. Oh _shit,_ ” Murphy said, snapping his fingers and jabbing them accusingly at him, “he finally realised!”

Miller and Lincoln both shared a look and then slumped over the bar, groaning into their beers. Murphy looked half-gleeful, half-exasperated, and he leaned over to get Bryan’s attention, asking him for a round of shots. 

Murphy demanded to make a toast first, and they all held up the glasses dutifully as he puffed himself up to speak. “To Bellamy, for finally realising that he’s in love with the girl we all know he’s been in love with since Jasper’s New Year’s Blowout four years ago.”

“Fuck.” Bellamy repeated, dropping forward and letting his head thunk against the wood. 

“For a smart guy, Blake, you really are a fucking moron sometimes,” Lincoln said, and it was the meanest thing anyone had ever heard him say. 

Bellamy didn’t blame him.  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  
  
  
He promised himself he wasn’t going to tell her until she finished college. He didn’t want to be the guy that dragged her back to her home town and got in the way of her dreams. He ended up working at a high-school the next town over, the one Raven had been at before she moved, and he loved it. He never wanted Clarke to sacrifice something she loved for him, and he knew she’d feel the same way about him. 

She spent three years studying, and then another year doing something industry related that Bellamy didn’t understand, and still he didn’t tell her. He couldn’t. He would wait, as long as she needed, and if she didn’t reciprocate his feelings, he would find a way to move on. Somehow. 

By some miracle, she decided she was moving back home anyway. She told him on his 24th birthday, as a surprise, and even though she bought him a present as well, that announcement was all he really needed. 

He was excited about it for about thirty seconds before he started freaking out. He suppressed it when he drove everyone up to her graduation to surprise her, but he couldn’t do it forever. In fact, he was still freaking out weeks later, while they all sat in Jasper’s living room, waiting for her to arrive so they could lavish her with praise and properly celebrate her return to Arkadia. Monty’s girlfriend Harper, who was one of Clarke’s college friends, was also moving to Arkadia, so they were making quite a big deal of it. 

Octavia and Lincoln were curled up on the couch together, her engagement ring flashing in the light. Next to them were Murphy and Emori, and then leaning against the wall were Miller, Bryan and Raven. Jasper and Maya were in the corner, arguing adorably over which one of them was in charge of the music, and Bellamy wondered idly when the two of them were going to actually admit they liked each other, not that he was one to talk. Wells and his boyfriend, Roan, were in the kitchen making sure the jello shots were done, and Monty was alternating between fidgeting nervously in his seat and smiling like there was no tomorrow. 

Bellamy didn’t quite share his enthusiasm. He was pacing up and down. “She’s moving home. Shit, she’s actually coming home and I don’t know what to do.”

“The same thing you always do,” Octavia said, leaning against her fiancé. “Stare at her longingly and pretend that she doesn’t love you back.”

Bellamy opened his mouth to retort but Lincoln held up a hand, silencing him. “If you think that woman doesn’t love you back, Blake, you’re blind.”

“He’s blind,” Jasper and Monty both said at the same time, self-fiving. Murphy choked on his drink.

“You’re all assholes.” Bellamy grumbled.

“Yep.” Miller confirmed, touching his beer to Bryan’s. Wells and Roan returned with trays of drinks in hand, and Raven and Wells rolled their eyes and shared a look, probably at Bellamy’s expense. Before he had a chance to call them out on it, the door opened and Harper peeked her head round it. Everyone cheered and she jogged over to Monty and started kissing him, prompting another cheer from the group. 

Bellamy turned back to the door, only to find that Clarke was already half inside.

She beamed, running in and throwing herself at Bellamy. He stumbled back a little before wrapping his arms around her waist and tucking his face into her shoulder. He ignored all the raised eyebrows from his friends and just closed his eyes, enjoying having his best friend back in his arms again. He knew the moment couldn’t go on forever, but god did he wish time could just stop for a minute. 

Unfortunately, Jasper turned up the music, Clarke pulled away, and everyone else started showering her with hugs and welcoming her home. After a little while, a bunch more people turned up, because Jasper wanted Clarke to be welcomed home by the people she loved most, but he also couldn’t resist turning even the most personal of occasions into absolute blowouts. Clarke didn’t seem to mind; she danced with everyone and caught up with people she hadn’t seen in a while and looked like she was completely ecstatic to be back. 

In fact, he didn’t get her alone again until sometime in the early hours of the morning, when he bumped into her in the kitchen. She grinned at him and made a show of hopping up onto the counter. 

“You know Jasper couldn’t care less if you sit up there, right?”

“Don’t ruin it, Bellamy, I’m _rebelling.”_

He snorted, turning so he was leaning against it, their arms brushing against each other. “Some rebellion, Princess. You’re opening an art gallery in town, you volunteer at the orphanage in your spare time, and even though you’re at a Jasper Jordan Party, you’re not even remotely drunk.”

“Neither are you,” she said petulantly. 

“Of course not. We’ve gotta make sure the kids are taking care of themselves,” he teased, making her lips quirk up as she took another sip of lemonade. 

She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. “I really, _really_ missed you, Bellamy.”

“I missed you too, Princess.” He swallowed nervously, but it had been bothering him for a while and he had to ask; “Hey, you wouldn’t stay in Arkadia just because I asked you to, right?” 

He felt, rather than saw, her frown, “Of course I would.”

“No, I mean… you wouldn’t let me stop you from going after what you want.” He clarified. “You would never let me hold you back, right?”

She sat up a little, tugging him until he was in front of her. Her eyes flitted over his face, searching for something. “What’s going on, why are you asking? Has someone told you that? That’s _ridiculous,_ Bellamy, you could never hold _anyone_ back, you’re _amazing–”_

She was cut off when he surged forward, kissing her with everything he had. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how he’d managed to hold off as long as he did. Her lips were soft against his, and he was so surprised at his own actions that it took his brain a moment to catch up to the fact that she was kissing him back. Quite intensely, in fact. 

Her hands were fisting in his shirt, dragging him as close as she could manage, and her legs were hooked around the back of his thighs, keeping him there. She sighed into his mouth and something snapped inside him and then his hands were moving up her back and curling around her waist, and he was biting at her bottom lip until she gasped. She released his shirt and threw her arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair, and he couldn’t help his small contented moan at the contact.

She grinned against his lips, breaking the kiss, and pressed her forehead to his. He was reluctant to open his eyes, worried that he was dreaming, but she was playing with the hair at the nape of his neck and he could feel her breath ghosting his cheek. It had to be real. He steeled himself and pulled back just enough to see her face. She gazed back at him with her wide blue eyes and her slightly swollen lips and he really couldn’t contain it anymore. 

“So I’m in love with you,” he said matter-of-factly, like he was commenting on the weather.

She swallowed.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that, Bellamy Blake?” She asked in a whisper, awe on her face. He shook his head and she kissed him again. He never wanted to stop kissing her, except that he also wanted to look at her, and talk to her, and do countless other things with her and never stop doing any of those either. When they broke apart, there were tears in her eyes and she smacked him lightly in the chest. “You _idiot,_ I love you so much.”

“Glad the general consensus is that I’m an idiot,” he said, kissing her cheek, “it would have bothered me to know that you disagreed with our friends, who have been taking turns calling me a moron for many years now.”

“They all knew?” Clarke scrunched up her nose. “You told _all of them_ before you told _me?”_

“No, they figured it out on their own, long before I did. And then Murphy, Miller and Lincoln were there when I finally worked it out. They’ve all been telling me to make a move since just after you moved away for college.”

“So why didn’t you?” 

“I never want to be the reason you stay somewhere you hate, Clarke. I thought, with so many bad memories here, you might want to just cut and run. I wouldn’t have blamed you. You’re incredible, Clarke, you could change the world if you wanted. I didn’t want you to move back just for me.”

She huffed, irritated. “Bellamy, do you not understand how many of my _best_ memories are here? My dad taking me to the shops and teaching me to ride a bike and lifting me up whenever I felt down, me and Wells playing pretend, becoming friends with these idiots,” she gestured vaguely towards the living room, where the party was still in full swing, “finding my passion for art, falling in love with you – it all happened here.”

He didn’t know what to say. That happened a lot around Clarke – she was one of the only people in the world who could truly render him speechless. 

When she realised he wasn’t going to speak, she smiled softly. “I didn’t move back for you, Bellamy, I moved back for me. I would have kept loving you wherever I lived; I’m just lucky that the person I love most in the world is here, exactly where I want to be too.”

“Fuck, _I love you so much,_ these four years have been torture, please never leave me again,” he groaned, sweeping her up in his arms to press his lips to hers again. 

“That seems like a healthy start to a relationship,” she managed between kisses, “intense co-dependence.”

“Shut up,” he said against her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you.”  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  
  
  
They’d been dating for months when Valentine’s Day finally rolled around again. 

Bellamy had never really endorsed Valentine’s Day as a holiday – he thought it was an over-commercialised excuse for companies to hike up the price of chocolate – but this time he wanted it to be special. It wasn’t that the day held any kind of special significance for him; it was that it held such negative significance for Clarke, and he wanted to change that. Or, if he couldn’t change it, he at least wanted to try. 

He had it all planned out.

“Why is Murphy late?” He asked, checking his watch for the fifth time.

Miller rolled his eyes. “Because he had to pick up Emori first; stop worrying.”

“You’re forgetting that worried is Bellamy’s default setting,” Raven said, immediately high fiving the hand Jasper held out to her. Maya giggled. 

They were standing in his apartment, having all arrived the second Clarke left. 

It had been a rough two weeks for Clarke, and Bellamy had spent a lot of time fretting over her and making sure she was okay. They had ended up in Diyoza’s bookshop a lot, not that the woman seemed to mind. In fact, she and Clarke seemed to have struck up some kind of kinship, judging by the snarky way they talked to each other now. 

The door opened and Murphy and Emori darted in. 

“Sorry,” Murphy said, not really sounding like he meant it. “Traffic was hell.”

“What he means is, they boned in his car before they left,” Jasper said, and they didn’t even try to deny it. 

“Excellent,” Bellamy rejoiced sarcastically, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m _so glad_ I asked you all to help with this.”

“Hey man, we might be assholes, but this is for _Clarke,_ ” Murphy said, immediately deadly serious. “She needs this, so we’re here. For whatever you need.”

“For the record, if she was doing the same thing for you, we’d be sneaking around with her behind your back too,” Raven said, and all of them voiced their assent. Bellamy would have gotten choked up over it if he had time to. He would cry over how much he loved his friends later, probably the next time he was drunk, but right now he needed to get a move on. 

“Okay, Octavia and Lincoln are already there, making sure it’s open and everything’s ready. Jasper, Maya and Harper, I need you guys to head down there and help them set it up; I’m talking music, decorations, everything. Maya and Harper, I need you to stop Jasper from going overboard.”

“Hey!” Jasper complained, “I have restraint!”

Everyone snorted, and Maya laughed so hard she started crying, pecking his cheek to appease him when he crossed his arms sullenly.

Bellamy forged ahead, “Wells, you and Roan are on Abby duty. Roan, please don’t hit on Abby.”

“I can’t help it, Blake, it’s just how I am,” Roan winked and Wells gave an overexaggerated sigh. Roan just kissed his temple, “Don’t be jealous babe, you know you’re my favourite.”

“Bryan and Miller, you’re in charge of alcohol, and Emori, your job is to transport the food Murphy spent hours slaving over,” Bellamy continued. “And Murphy, you’re coming with me and Monty to pick Clarke up.”

Murphy raised an eyebrow. “Why me?”

“Because, for some inexplicable reason, you’re Clarke’s favourite.”

“I thought that was Raven?”

“Yeah, well, Raven and Shaw are already going to be with her, acting as a distraction.”

“You’ve planned this out freakishly well,” he remarked, “considering Clarke is the one with an eye for schemes.”

Bellamy bristled, “I can plan things.”

“I think you’ve successfully proved that,” Miller cut in before it could devolve into a full-on argument. “Everyone clear on their jobs? Cool – see you all in two hours.”

And with that, everyone dispersed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When Clarke, Raven and Shaw walked out of the movie theatre, she looked a little more like herself than she had in the last two weeks. She was at the very least, smiling, which was more than he’d seen in a while. It took her a minute to register the three of them leaning against Bellamy’s car, but once she did, she squinted over at him. 

“You set me up,” she accused. 

“Yes I did,” he admitted, pulling her towards him so he could brush his lips to hers. “Sorry.”

“Okay, what’s the plan? Is everyone in on it?” She gasped and spun around to Raven and Shaw, “Was that why you asked me to come out with you today? You ruined your Valentine’s Day for me?!”

Raven scoffed. “Firstly, you didn’t ruin _anything;_ Shaw was planning for us to just sit in his garage while we worked on his motorbike–”

“–romantically,” Shaw interjected lightly.

“–and we haven’t spent enough time together lately anyway. We do actually like you, Clarke,” she teased. 

Clarke flushed, glancing around at them. “Alright, what are we all doing?”

“That’s for us to know and you to be shocked and awed by.” Murphy grinned wolfishly and bundled her into the backseat. “Now hurry up, we’re on a schedule here.”

Bellamy threw his eyes to the heavens and climbed back behind the wheel. Raven and Shaw were riding his motorbike down, so it was just the four of them in the car. Clarke and Murphy were in the backseat and Monty called shotgun, plugging in his phone and turning up the playlist that he and Jasper had made specifically for Clarke. She grinned when she heard the first song, yelling the lyrics along with them while Bellamy drove to the other side of town. The further out into the suburbs they got, the more hills and valleys there were, and Clarke started getting distracted by the scenery, until Murphy pulled out a blindfold and shoved it at her. 

“I’m not doing it for you, that’s Bellamy’s job. You’ll have to do it yourself this time, like the smart independent woman you are,” he quipped, receiving a light kick from her in response. She put it on without complaint, however, and spent the last two minutes of the journey humming along to the music and listening to Murphy tell dark jokes. 

When they arrived, it took some manoeuvring to get her out of the car and down the path, but eventually, she was standing where she was supposed to, head tilted expectantly. Bellamy sidled up next to her, bumping shoulders to hers. 

“Ready, Princess?”

“Christ.” She muttered, smiling despite herself. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Sound less enthusiastic, please,” he teased, untying the blindfold and letting it fall to the ground. 

Clarke blinked, her eyes adjusting to the light. Their friends were all standing in front of them, arms around each other, except for Murphy and Monty, who were on Bellamy’s right. Behind them was a two-storey house, old fashioned and beautiful; staring back at Clarke as she took it in. There was a banner over the door, badly painted to say “Welcome Home, Clarke!” and everyone was draped in some kind of tinsel, or maybe they were fairy lights. 

“It’s a house.” She said. 

“Wow, really? I hadn’t noticed.” Murphy deadpanned, and Bellamy punched him in the arm. 

Instead of reacting in excitement, her eyes kept darting over the property, and Bellamy could see the calculations shuttering through her mind. Unlike their friends, he hadn’t expected her to be happy with this – he knew her too well for that – and he was just waiting for her to finish rationalising it before he said anything. 

Clarke took a deep, shuddering breath. “Bellamy, please tell me you didn’t buy me a house. That would be too much, you don’t have enough money, you can’t do shit like that, it’s _so much–”_

“I didn’t.” He said. “Really, I promise. I didn’t buy you a house.”

“Then, what…?” She trailed off, gesturing in front of them.

Bellamy turned to her, slipping his hand into hers, and he made sure he was holding her gaze completely when he said, “Jake bought it for you.”

She clapped her free hand over her mouth, tears already forming as her gaze dragged back to the building before them. 

“Your mom found out while you were at college. Apparently, Jake set up a secret mortgage payment program so that it stayed a surprise. She wasn’t sure what to do with it, so she decided to just keep ahold of it for a while, and ask you what you thought when you got back. And then you delayed coming back for a year, and Abby just sort of forgot about it. I only found out because Wells and I were helping her with her tax returns and we saw it. We think he was intending to reveal it as a wedding present when you eventually got married, or had kids, or maybe just for graduation. He didn’t want you to think he was spoiling you, so he set it up to transfer the mortgage to you whenever you were ready. Right now, his life insurance is still paying for it, but Abby promised me that she would talk to you about it next week. It’s _yours,_ Princess.”

Clarke sobbed and tears splashed over her fingers and down her arm. She was frozen to the spot, looking at the legacy her father had left behind, at the one final surprise Jake had saved for her. 

It was heartbreaking, but for once, it was the good kind. 

“You okay?” Bellamy whispered, and she turned and threw her arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder. He held her tight, mumbling soothing things in her ear, and she squeezed him once before she stepped back so she could see his face. 

“You organized this?” 

He offered a half-hearted shrug. “You haven’t even been inside yet – there’s a whole setup.”

“You… you did this for me?” 

“I’d do _anything_ for you, Clarke. If that isn’t clear by now, I must be doing something wrong,” he said, dropping a kiss to her forehead. “I just thought that maybe, with all the terrible memories you have around February, and especially Valentine’s Day, I could give you something to make it easier. Your dad wouldn’t have wanted you to feel miserable without him. He would want you to make a good life for yourself, to be happy – and I know that wherever he is, he’s so goddamn proud of you, Clarke. I wanted to make days like today a little easier to live with.”

She choked out a laugh. “Well, you’ve definitely done that. You’re setting a pretty _high bar_ with our first Valentine’s Day, Bellamy.”

He smiled, “Worth it, Princess.”

He brought a hand up to brush the fresh tears from her cheek, and she sighed, leaning into it. 

“Come _on_ lovebirds,” Raven yelled from her place on the doorstep, “Murphy spent hours slaving over this food, and you’re letting it go cold!”

“You cooked?!” Clarke’s face lit up, and she bounded around Bellamy to envelop Murphy in a hug. “You’re an angel! A _god_ among men!” 

“Careful, Princess, your boyfriend is standing right there,” he said, and she laughed again, but this time it was a brighter sound; less burdened. 

Octavia and Lincoln led her into the house to give her a tour while the rest of them trundled through the kitchen.

When they walked through the hallway, Bellamy took in the tasteful decorations, and silently thanked every god he could think of that Harper and Maya had managed to reign Jasper in. That was, until they got to the dining room. There were so many streamers and balloons it was hard to move, and there was pretty much no chance of them all getting in there to eat; not without bursting some balloons, or dispersing them around the house. 

Jasper just beamed around at them all, but Maya looked a little sheepish. Shaw tied a balloon string to Raven’s ponytail. 

Bellamy frowned, thinking it over. “Okay, new plan; we’re going upstairs. Everyone grab a dish.”

Everyone loaded up with dishes of food and Emori grabbed some plates and cutlery, and they all followed him upstairs. Bellamy grabbed some blankets from the couch. He couldn’t take his eyes off Clarke as she took in the rooms, something like joy crinkling the corners of her eyes with every new discovery. They finally got to a large room on the second floor, and Bellamy slid the enormous window open and clambered out onto the expanse of roof that stretched out over where the porch would be below him. 

He laid the blankets out, before holding his hand out to help Clarke through, and then Harper, and Wells, who both offered their arms to the next people. Soon, everyone was situated on the roof. Bellamy and Clarke were in the middle on a blue blanket, and Octavia and Lincoln were slightly behind them on their left. Raven, Shaw, Wells and Roan were on a green sheet to their left, a casserole between them and a bottle of whiskey under Roan’s arm. Harper, Monty, Jasper and Maya were on a purple sheet to the right with all the different salads, and Miller, Bryan, Murphy and Emori were on a light pink blanket in front of everyone. Emori was sitting up, dangling her legs over the edge, but the other three were lounging back against the slate, completely relaxed. 

The sun was setting to their left, so it wasn’t in their eyes but instead bathed them all in a gold light, painting pinks and oranges across the sky. 

Harper offered to trade Wells the salad in her lap for a piece of casserole, and it quickly devolved into an intense negotiation of skill as everyone swapped dishes in order to pile their plates high with as much of Murphy’s incredible food as possible. 

Silence fell as they tucked in; a comfortable, warm silence, punctuated only by the occasional bird call or rustle of leaves. 

Ultimately, as was inevitable with them, the silence gave way to music from the speaker Jasper had managed to get onto the roof, and conversation soon followed it. Monty and Bryan were asking Clarke about her new gallery, and she was telling Lincoln that he should exhibit some of his works, and that she would even pay him for it, while he just modestly waved her off. Jasper was setting up a playlist with Maya, the two of them pouring over his phone with intense concentration. Apparently the playlists they had already made for the day didn’t work for “sunset dinners on the roof” so they were working hard to create a new one to fit the atmosphere. Bellamy thought they were doing a brilliant job, but he opted not to say anything just yet, instead getting roped into a discussion with Miller, Emori and Roan. Wells started a debate with Harper about the benefits of certain environmental restrictions, and Shaw quickly joined in, prompting Raven to roll her eyes and ask why she was with someone so boring. Shaw just smiled and kissed her cheek. 

Octavia and Murphy weren’t really commanding any conversation, which was bizarre, because they were both usually so opinionated. Instead, they were both staring out over the horizon as the colours changed, and after a while, Emori cuddled against her boyfriend’s side and watched it with him. 

The conversations slowly ground to a halt again, among lazy observations that their entire friend group had devolved into couples – _“evolved!”_ Jasper corrected – and soon they were all just letting the music wash over them while they sat, blissful in the evening glow. 

“This is beautiful,” Clarke breathed, taking in the view of the city that felt so far away from them. 

“Yeah.” Bellamy murmured. _“Beautiful.”_

“Don’t be gross,” Murphy groaned. 

He scowled. “What?” 

“Don’t say that it’s beautiful, when Clarke clearly means the view and you’re blatantly talking about her. It’s too cheesy, even for you.”

He bristled, “Murphy, you’re not even _looking_ at me.”

“I don’t need to look at you to know when you’re being a nauseating sap.” He shot back, downing a glass of wine. Their friends all mumbled agreement and Bellamy crossed his arms petulantly, feeling betrayed. 

Clarke brushed her lips against his shoulder. “Don’t listen to them, babe, I think it’s cute.” 

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” she tilted her head up so she could kiss him. It ended far too soon, and she curled a hand into his hair. “Maybe we should show them just how cheesy we can be?”

 _“No, god, please!”_ Their friends called out in chorus, dramatically shielding their eyes when Clarke climbed into Bellamy’s lap and started trailing gentle kisses down his neck. He returned the favour by capturing her lips with his, kissing her properly, the way he’d been wanting to all day. 

“I hate you guys,” Harper griped, throwing a chip at them. 

“It’s like watching my sister in a porno,” Wells complained, scrunching up his nose in distaste. 

“It’s like watching my _brother_ in a porno,” Octavia said pointedly, averting her eyes.

“I think it’s sweet,” Roan said, earning groans from everyone.

Clarke and Bellamy both held an arm out, flipping their friends off in unison as they continued kissing as if no-one else was there. 

“Seriously, do you need us to leave?” Miller asked. 

That was enough to snap Bellamy back into the present, and he pulled away, much to Clarke’s clear chagrin. He nuzzled at her cheek consolingly. “Actually, me and Clarke have to go somewhere. You guys should stay though, we’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“Urgh, gross,” Octavia said. 

“It’s not like that.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “It isn’t?”

He bit at her shoulder as he stood up, and she giggled. He helped her to her feet and they made towards the window again. 

“No, but seriously, where are you guys going?” Monty asked. 

Bellamy smiled down at the woman he loved.

_“Nowhere important.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was dark when they arrived at Diyoza’s shop. Even though they each had keys now, they didn’t need them; the door swung open on the first try, and the woman herself was sitting behind the desk, reading _Rebecca_ in the dim light from her lamp. 

“Remind me to buy you a new one of those,” Clarke said as they passed, “you’re going to strain your eyes reading in this light.”

Diyoza sat back a little, glancing over the top of the book. “But if I have enough light in here, how will I maintain the dusky ambiance I’ve been cultivating for so many years?”

Bellamy snorted, and Clarke huffed, amused. 

“I’m still buying you a desk-lamp,” she called over her shoulder, trailing after Bellamy. “You can’t escape modern LED lighting, Diyoza!”

“I can, and I will!” She retorted loudly, making sure they could hear her as they traipsed through the maze of shelves to reach their usual corner right at the very back. 

Bellamy sat down, leaning against the wall, and Clarke tucked in next to him, draping an arm over his stomach. 

“Hi.” She whispered.

He ducked his head, nosing against her hair. “Hey.”

“So… today was,” she paused, “a lot.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I wanted to bring you here, because I knew you might need some time to deal with it all, _without_ our friends.”

“Good call.” She rested her head on his shoulder, exhaling slowly until she was completely relaxed against him. “I love them, but sometimes I just need _this.”_

“Did you like your surprise?” He asked, sudden nervousness making his voice shake.

“I really, _really_ did,” she said. “I still can’t believe you put all of that together for me.”

“I told you, Princess, I’m a romantic. And you’re pretty much stuck with me.”

“I don’t mean _that,”_ she said cheekily. “I mean the fact that you managed to wrangle our friends into being even remotely organised. Jasper’s intensity was confined to the dining room, Miller actually smiled a few times, and Octavia didn’t murder anyone. I’m surprised that Murphy and Emori turned up at all, considering their favourite thing lately is ditching group activities. You performed a small miracle today Blake; you should be proud.”

“And after all that, you still like this more?” He teased. “I should have just forgone the surprise and ordered Chinese straight to the shop.”

“Only if you’re buying some for Diyoza too.” She quipped back. 

“Naturally.”

“I’m serious, Bellamy,” she poked him in the ribs, “I love all of this – the surprise, our friends, _all of it_ – but _especially_ this. Just being here. You’ve been so supportive the last few weeks- No. No, you’ve been supportive for seven years, and I don’t know if I can ever put into words how much it means to me. You’ve been the one thing keeping me centered when my whole world is spinning out, and I’m so… I’m _so lucky_ to have you.”

“I love this more than anything in the world,” he confessed, thinking over his speech carefully. “Not just sitting in this shop, but sitting with _you,_ seeing you _happy._ I love you so much, Clarke. I know that today is always hard for you, and I know that it’s never going to be perfect, but I just wanted you to have something to hold onto; something to make it better.”

 _“Bellamy,”_ she breathed, “haven’t you figured it out yet?”

She sat up a little and he met her eyes. 

Clarke cupped his face in both her hands, eyes shining with happy tears again. _“You_ are what makes it better. You _always_ make it better. Every February, every Valentine’s, every low moment I’ve had since we met, you’ve been the thing that I’ve held onto. Even when we're fighting, I know that the second I'm in trouble, you'll drop everything to help, and you know I'd do the same. You’ve always been right there, making it just that little bit easier to breathe.”

“Clarke–”

“You’re right, it’s never going to be perfect, and it’s always going to hurt, but with you by my side, sitting with me through all of it… that’s as close to perfect as I’m ever going to get.”

He closed the tiny distance between them, lips meeting passionately as he dragged her up and into his lap. She ended up straddling him, hands twisting in his hair as she pulled him closer, always closer. Their chests were pressed together, rising and falling in tandem as he ran his palms up her back and she slipped her tongue in his mouth. 

“You make it better for me too, you know that, right?” He managed, once they broke for air. She mouthed at his jaw and he just managed to stop himself from moaning. “Seriously, Princess, I was a _mess_ when I first moved here. But being around you, becoming your friend… you were the first person who ever told me I could be something.”

She fisted his shirt in her hands. “God, Bellamy, you deserved so much better than that. You’ve always been capable of amazing things, I should never have been the first person to tell you that.”

“But you were,” he reiterated, pressing his forehead to hers and holding them both completely still. “You were the first person who saw anything good in me, and it changed my life, Clarke. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Still doing amazing things,” she promised. “Just lacking an argumentative blonde.”

He huffed. “That version of me sounds worse off.”

“You’re right, he does,” she grinned, and when she kissed him, their smiles ruined it and they were both too happy to care. He decided suddenly that he had to tell her, that she had to know just exactly how committed he was to this – he was in it, for as long as she wanted him, and he desperately needed her to know. 

“Clarke?” He mumbled between kisses. 

“Mmm?” Was all she could muster as a response, too busy raking her nails up his chest, making him dizzy with want. 

“I’m proposing in April.”

He waited for her shocked reaction, but she just continued brushing her lips to his. “Good. You better have something huge planned.”

“Oh yeah,” he panted, “skywriters, parades, the whole deal.”

“Perfect.” She said, moaning into his mouth when he tangled a hand in her hair. “If you didn’t have a parade planned, I’d have to leave you.”

“Obviously.” 

She laughed, and they slowed down until they were just sitting there, enjoying each other’s space. She stroked his cheek, eyes darting over his face. “I’m glad you told me. I’m even happier that you’re not proposing _now.”_

“That would definitely be too many things in one day,” he joked. 

She rolled her eyes and he pinched her thigh in retaliation, making her squeak. Something shifted behind her eyes, and her laughter died away as her eyes raked over his face. She took a sharp breath. The teasing smile quickly fell off her face, and he didn’t even need to ask her what was wrong; he just knew. She laced her fingers through his and he waited for her to say it. 

“I don’t know how to deal with feeling this happy,” she admitted, and his heart broke for her all over again. “I guess I got used to assuming that everything would always feel completely empty without my dad, and I feel guilty for not being miserable anymore.”

“It’s always going to feel a little bit like that,” he said, “but it doesn’t have to make you unhappy, not anymore. He wouldn’t want you to be miserable, he would want you to miss him with a smile.”

Clarke surveyed him pensively. “When did you get so wise?”

“Sometime after my mom died,” he said, stroking at her back. “Loss changes you, not necessarily for better or worse, but it does. And it’ll happen again, to both of us, but when it does we’ll do what we always do; we’ll shoulder it together.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Princess. _Together.”_

She made a face at his dramatics and he chuckled, leaning forward to kiss the place under her ear that always made her gasp. She didn’t disappoint, and he ghosted his lips down her neck, revelling in her contented sighs.

“You don’t have to feel guilty for being happy, Clarke.” He murmured against her collarbone. “I’m hoping that happy is gonna become our new normal.”

She grinned and tugged his face up to kiss him again. “I guess I better get used to it then.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am woefully single, but I love reading your comments, so my Valentine's day plans are to read them all and maybe that will make me feel less like I'm going to die A L O N E.
> 
> No, but seriously, I love reading your thoughts, (and being single is not a bad thing, enjoy your independence kids) and I adore you all. 
> 
> Happy Love Day, bitches!


End file.
